Random Flatulence

Let's be honest here – old people fart. Being an old person myself, I can speak from experience when I say this is not a voluntary action on our part, so it is both unkind and not nice to point at old people and giggle when they let loose with a double-flutter blast while standing in line at the Post Office.

Of course, being a young person, you think this will never happen to you – but it will. And then you will be sorry that you ran from the room at 87 year old Aunt Margaret's birthday party because the green haze had reached from ceiling to knee level. And should you encounter such a situation again – for God's sake, don't strike a match or flick your Bic! A little known fact is that most Senior Citizen 4 alarm fires are caused when someone in the rec room lit off a cigar while everyone was watching reruns of "I love Lucy."

So be kind and ignore this involuntary tendency in your elders. Many of us take pride in the fact that we can both walk and fart at the same time, something you kids won't be able to accomplish for years. It is the only thing left that we can be proud of, so join with us in this celebration of life. It is one way we can tell we are still alive, sometimes the only way.

If you really wish to show your kinder side, the next time you are conversing with grand dad and he lets out with a loud, "Braaaaaaaaaaap," point at the dog and say, "Spot, shame on you!" Grand dad will silently appreciate that generous act on your part.

And that being said, let me wish all of you a Happy Mother's Day. Phewwwwwww, I gotta get out of this little office!

johnny b

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